Love or Romance

Yesterday I received an email from a friend of mine who lived abroad. She has this fondness to forward emails about family values, women’s plight, child abuses and the nice chaotic environment our brothers managed to land in. Here is part of her email, truncated:

“Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion". I still think those words changed my life. Now I read more and clean less. I sit on the porch without worrying about anything. I spend more time with my family, and less at work. I use crystal glasses every day... I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket if I feel like it. I don't save my special perfume for special occasion; I use it whenever I want to. The words "Someday..." and "One Day..." are fading away from my dictionary. If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen, or do it now. I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell. I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.

Now, for us ordinary people, our reaction would be to head our pointer towards the “Forward” button and pressed home. I was not exceptional. I was halfway forwarding the email when something hit me inside my head. Was I programmed to forward these simple facts of life that by right should be imbued in everyone? It struck me how we inadvertently created this surplus dependency to be reminded of such sensible, day-to-day values. Why do we need other people to tap in our memory the most important thing in life – Life itself? It is by circulating these email, it renders us completion as human being.

This launched me to a few hours of what I always fondly refer to as my mental rumination. I was in fact, in a deep, pensive mood myself that stemmed from this agitated necessity to reevaluate life – or rather my life as a whole. I had just ended ten years of infatuation with a certain someone and had been quite discouraged to participate in any social functions – read: staying home, weeping, talking to my cats, staying up late just staring at the ceiling and wondering why on earth I feel so wretched. I should feel liberated; I can move on. I can finally put a stop to the restiveness that plagued me for years. I found solace in thinking.

What did I see in him? It began in an early morning rush to lecture hall when I stumbled upon a young man playing basketball. It was not his physical attributes that attracted me; it was his psyche – some strange vibes that I picked up from him. That fascination changed into something deeper and lasted for years. It was, as I assumed, what people would call as soul-mate; the way we are able to delve deep into each others heart and put whatever demon causing chaos there at rest. I had deep love for this basketball boy and I was ever hoping that it would bud into romance. It never happens. I realized, after all these years, what I have been feeling was not love in the true sense of love. Before I instigate into my own private mental cud-chewing outlook on love, let’s get to the basic. What is love? What is romance?

According to the Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary, love can be defined as (v) to have strong feelings of affection for another adult and be romantically and sexually attracted to them, or to feel great affection for a friend or person in your family; or (n) strong feelings of attraction towards, and affection for, another adult, or great affection for a friend or family member. Romance, on the other hand, is defined as (n) a close, usually short relationship of love between two people’ or (n) a love story.

From my understanding, after several days of researching and numerous conversations with quite a few people, I concluded that romance is a concept based on love or the circumstances of love; whilst love is an attitude, an aptitude, an outlook of life, a quality of being. While romance is what we mostly encounter in movies, songs and books, and most of us fondly refer to when we are in a relationship(s), love is the essence that gives sustenance to romance. Without love, romance is nothing. A friend of mine cited romance is a gift that can be a curse if it is not considered within the realms of reality. How many of us women dreamt of being swept off of our feet by our knight in shining armor (admit it, you suckers!)? What with that sigh when someone mentioned Brad Pitt or Tom Welling, or Clark Gable for older generations? Don’t we want to be in love with someone like that? I suppose its elusiveness explains its allures and the fascination with it.

I grew up with Mills & Boon, the Clayborne brothers of Julie Garwood, Jude Devereaux, Eternal Flame, Madonna, Against All Odds, Blue Lagoon… romance was everywhere I read, heard or looked. Understandably this would explain why most people are misled to believe the notion that romance is in actuality love. Romance is love and love is romance. Tut-tut. Wrong. It took me close to seven years to finally apprehend that to love is to be free from personal gratification we sought whenever we embarked in a relationship. We were deceived into believing the love shown in movies, or heard in a song, was true love. Love is about being able to open your heart for the sorrow and joy of being human, and when its time to let go, we would do so with honor and dignity, and continue living. Love is never selfish. It is not about what we will gain or how we want to be loved. It is about how we want to love others minus expecting anything in return. It enables us to see all the goods in someone and at the same time aware of the bads. Love is limitless, alive and freeing.

Romance, I found, is too clingy. We can not live without the person that we love (or thought we love), we are drunk with their presence, and we are obsessed to please them. And when the romance sizzled out, we lamented the lack of sunlight in our life (by means their presence is the source of light to the otherwise dismal life we are doomed to have); we refused ourselves the joy of companionship, of being happy, of being alive. We felt bereft of humanity without the others. We became lesser creation of God when the relationship ended. Life is less lovable when romance dies. Do we actually choose to let this to happen and doom ourselves to a lifetime of flourishing pain, feed with memories of what had been and what could and should have been? All these ‘ifs’, should have and could have – do we really need them in our life? You hold the answer

Nonetheless, I do not scorn those who idolized romance and sworn by it. Those who have romance in abundance and still maintain their sobriety are indeed lucky. But those who, like me, either lost it, could only dreamt of it or just don’t know what romance is, are neither lesser loved nor less equipped to love and to be loved. We must see that while romance inspires, love endures. As a friend pointed out, romance is just like a lavish meal of foie gras and caviar. It gives you a different sense of fulfillment which humble rice cannot, but it is the rice that will keep us full day in – day out..

As my insight tapped me into reality, I could see that I had also fallen victim to this concept of love. This infectious idea called romance. I believed that what I felt towards this boy was true love and the pain that I am suffering now, per se verifies that love. On the hindsight, are these pains necessary to assure one that it is love that one is feeling? Quite the contrary, I found pain very cumbersome. It hinders me from what little joy there is to experience and share in this world. It clouds my vision to what important to me – Life. My family. It rejects me as a loving person and it belittles my ability to love without having a loving relationship. It fosters hatred to everything lovable in this world. They said love and hatred are two opposite face of the same coin. How then to make love whole, and keeping hate at bay, not totally annihilate? Reject hate. Hatred consumes us like a disease that will turn minutes into hours. We will be entrapped in time as cycles of love and hatred encircle us. Our heart can not be free of the past. Only after we are able to deny hate do we are able to be free from time, and therefore the past. It can not enslave us once we have the understanding to denounce hate and embrace the truth of human flaws – our own imperfection. Only then we can be free of pain.

As understanding begins to simmer, it sends delicious warm sensation all over me and I can feel emancipation flows from within. Though it still laced with the ever-familiar pain of heartbreak, I find it strangely soothing. Like the feeling of my mother’s arm wrapping around me and with gentle voice, telling me that the boogieman is gone.

~ Bea Maria ~

Letting Go of Unavailable People - By Robert Burney

--- i guess this is what i need to do :( ----


"In our disease defense system we build up huge walls to protect ourselves and then - as soon as we meet someone who will help us to repeat our patterns of abuse, abandonment, betrayal, and/or deprivation - we lower the drawbridge and invite them in. We, in our Codependence, have radar systems which cause us to be attracted to, and attract to us, the people, who for us personally, are exactly the most untrustworthy (or unavailable or smothering or abusive or whatever we need to repeat our patterns) individuals - exactly the ones who will "push our buttons."
This happens because those people feel familiar. Unfortunately in childhood the people whom we trusted the most - were the most familiar - hurt us the most. So the effect is that we keep repeating our patterns and being given the reminder that it is not safe to trust ourselves or other people .

Once we begin healing we can see that the Truth is that it is not safe to trust as long as we are reacting out of the emotional wounds and attitudes of our childhoods. Once we start Recovering, then we can begin to see that on a Spiritual level these repeating behavior patterns are opportunities to heal the childhood wounds."

"I spent most of my life being the victim of my own thoughts, my own emotions, my own behaviors. I was consistently picking untrustworthy people to trust and unavailable people to love. I could not trust my own emotions because I was incapable of being honest with myself emotionally - which made me incapable of Truly being honest on any level."

(All quotes in this color are from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls)
Codependency is an incredibly insidious, treacherous dis-ease. It is a compulsively reactive condition in which our ego programming from childhood dictates how we live our lives today. As long as we are not in recovery from our codependency, we are powerless to make clear choices in discerning rather someone we are attracted to is a available for a healthy relationship - we are in fact, doomed to keep repeating patterns.

Emotionally we are drawn to people who feel familiar on an energetic level. That is, people who, on an emotional vibrational level, resonate with us as being familiar. It feels to us as if we have a strong connection to those people. In other words, we have an inner radar system that causes us to be attracted to people who resonate vibrationally in a way that is familiar on an emotionally intimate level. We are attracted to people whose inner emotional dynamic is similar to our most powerful and earliest experience of emotional intimacy and love - our parents.

No matter how much we are making an effort on a conscious level to not pick anyone like our parents, energetically we feel a strong attraction to people whose inner emotional dynamic is similar to our first experience of love. It was very important for me to get aware of the reality that if I met someone who felt like my soul mate, I had better watch out. Those are exactly the people who will fit my patterns - recreate my wounding.

It was very important for me to recognize the power of this type of attraction. And also to realize, that on a Spiritual level, these people were teachers who were in my life to help me get in touch with my childhood wounds. It was vital for me to start being aware that if I met someone who felt like my soul mate it did not mean we were going to live happily ever after. What it meant was that I was being given another wonderful, and painful, opportunity for growth.

Becoming conscious of these emotional energetic dynamics was a very important part of owning my power. My power to make choices, to accept consequences, to take responsibility for my choices and consequences - and to not buy into the belief that I was being victimized by the other person, or my own defectiveness.

Recognizing unavailability in the other person does not mean that I have to let go of the relationship - at least not immediately, it could be something I will decide to do eventually.

What is so important, is to let go of focusing on that person as the cause of, or solution to, my problems. As long as we are focusing on the other person and buying into the illusion that if we just: work a little harder; lose some more weight; make some more money; do and/or say the right things; whatever; that person will change and be everything we want them to be.

Codependents focus on others to keep from looking at self. We need to let go of focusing on the other person and start focusing inside to understand what is happening. Our adult patterns, the people we have been in relationship with, are symptoms - effects of our childhood wounding. We cannot solve a problem without looking at the cause. Focusing on symptoms (which our society is famous for: war on drugs; war on poverty: etc.) will not heal the cause.

The reason that we get involved with people who are unavailable, is because we are unavailable. We are attracted to people who feel familiar because on some level we are still trying to prove our worth by earning the Love and respect of our unavailable parents. We think we are going to rescue the other person which will prove our worth - or that we need them to rescue us because of our lack of worth. The princess will kiss me and turn me from a frog into a prince, the prince will rescue me and take me to live in the castle, syndrome.

We need to own our own worth - our own "Prince or Princess" ness - before we can be available for a healthy relationship with some one who has owned their own worth.

It is not possible to love someone enough to get them to stop hating, and being unavailable, to them self. We need to let go of that delusion. We need to focus on healing our self - on understanding and healing the emotional wounds that have driven us to pick people who could not give us what we want emotionally. We need to develop some healthy emotional intimacy with ourselves before we are capable of being available for a healthy relationships with someone who is also available.

The Journey of Letting Go

of late, i have been disturbed by Grey's apparitions.. its like an old movie playing in my head.. with the whirrring sounds of the film reel very much remind me that it has been almost 10 years since that morning.. sigh..

is it too much to ask to forget, dear Lord???

Children arent pets u can give up to SPCA!

http://miassavinggrace.blogspot.com/2006/02/finding-closure.html

My goal here is to find a way to invent closure and apply it to a situation that was never resolved for me. How do you close something that has never been opened?

I have waited around for almost six years, hoping my birthfamily might have a change of heart and want to meet, or perhaps dare I say it, get to know me. I feel like the Elephant Man (or woman in this case) screaming "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!" How pathetic.

--------------

Coincidently this morning Zaki the IT kid told me of a tragic and sad story of her neighbours. You see.. this woman was a divorcee with 2 kids. then she met a guy - another divorcee with 2 kids *oh what a match! u might say * - fell in love and got married. u might think they will sail away to the horizon, living hapily ever after. dude, thts only happen in fairy tales - and even fairy tales can have grim ending -- The Matchstick Girl??

the new husband apparently disliked his new wife's children.. well dislike is too soft a word to justify his act - he ordered them to be sent to the orphanage.. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY???? and ya know.. the new wife.. sent the kids to orphanage! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE MOTHER??? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE??? i always believe that when u marry somebody - u marry that person in his/er totality - present, past and future. and we're talking about children - school kids - here.. not some momento as grim reminder of the other half's past affairs!

i cannot.. for the life of me.. accept that.. its just sooo inhuman.. tantamount to abuse! they are abusing their children's life by denying them the love of a family! the woman, i found out, is a home-maker and not highly educated.. on her point of view, she needs the husband for her survival.. but she also must put priority to her kids. okay, so she sent them to orphanage for their own good.. i dont subscribe to that.. its just not right.. no one has the right to ask a woman to give up her children just becos he doesnt like the fact that their not his own flesh n blood..

Children are gift from God.. its so sad those who claim to be righteous and pious are the ones who treated God's beautiful gift with such insult

Marriage

marriage..is so over-rated...

i love you

i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you

My Grey

Grey..
mungkin kerana lebaran ini maka aku teringatkanmu.. lantas memori bermain2 di kepala.. teringat setiap tutur katamu yang dulu.. alas... aku bagai mammoth.. dengan memori berjuta2 gigabyte..
ada masanya aku menangis dan berdoa supaya Tuhan padamkan nama dan wajahmu.. 10 tahun.. ah, bagaimana mungkin..
the ultimate love is the one that requires no possession...

but i love you, Grey..

kemaafan

Kemaafan... terlalu susah untuk diluahkan... terlalu payah untuk mengiyakan kesalahan diri dan menerima sebagai sebahagian daripada diri kita.. as human being..

kemaafan untuk diri sendiri.. aku tidak perlu menghukum diri sendiri untuk selama-lamanya.. cukup sudah apa yang telah terjadi sebagai rentetan kisah hidup ku.. i am not proud of what i did.. but the knowledge that i am human..sekurang-kurangnya menjadikan aku sebagai siapa diri aku ketika ini..

kakak,
mungkin terlalu susah untuk melupakan apa yang terjadi.. namun harus keegoan diketepikan demi ibu.. dan adikmu ini.. semakin jauh dari family.. kerana tidak lagi rasa diri ini kepunyaan keluarga.. seolah2 diri ini..bukan sebahagian keluargamu..

lantas kemaafan.. terlalu mahal harganya buatmu, kakak...

JEWEL - Foolish Game

"Foolish Games"

You took your coat off and stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.
And I watched from my window,
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.

You're always the mysterious one with
Dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive
But too cool to care.
You stood in my doorway,
with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather.

[Pre-Chorus 1]
Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees, and...

[Chorus]
These foolish games are tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
You're breaking my heart.

You're always brilliant in the morning,
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee.Y
our philosophies on art, Baroque moved you.
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar.
You'd teach me of honest things,
Things that were daring, things that were clean.
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean.
I hid my soiled hands behind my back.
Somewhere along the line, I must've gone Off track with you.

[Pre-Chorus 2]
Well, excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else,
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself.

[Chorus]
You took your coat off,
Stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.

JASON MRAZ - You And I Both

"You And I Both"

Was it you who spoke the words
that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
Oh taking your advice
I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
Another day to sing about the magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
Others only read of the love, the love that I love.

See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just dream of
And if you could see me now,
Oh love, no
You and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore, mmm...
And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just dream of
And if you could see me now
Well I'm almost finally out of
I'm finally out of
Finally deedeedeedee
Well I'm almost finally, finally
Well I'm free, oh, I'm free

And it's okay if you have go away
Oh just remember the telephone works both ways
And if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang

Cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm almost finally out of.
I'm finally out of,
finally, deedeeededede
well I'm almost finally,
finally, out of words.

JAMIE CULLUM - Singin in the rain

"Singing In The Rain"

I'm singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feeling
I'm happy again
I'm laughing at clouds
So dark up above
The sun's in my heart
And I'm ready for love
For love
Let the stormy clouds chase
Everyone from the place
Come on with the rain
I've a smile on my face
I'll walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
Singing, singing in the rain
In the rain.

La...

I'm singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feeling
I'm happy again
I walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
I'm singing, singing in the rain
In the rain
In the rain

GROOVE COVERAGE - The Last Unicorn

“The Last Unicorn”

When the last eagle flies
Over the last crumbling mountain
And the last lion roars
At the last dusty fountain
In the shadow of the forest
Though she may be old and worn
They will stare unbelieving
At the last unicorn

When the first breath of winter
Through the flowers is icing
And you look to the north
And a pale moon is rising
And it seems like all is dying
And would leave the world to mourn
In the distance hear her laughter
Of the last unicorn
I'm alive... I'm alive...

When the last moon is cast
Over the last star of morning
And the future has past
Without even a last desperate warning
Then look into the sky where through
The clouds a path is formed
Look and see her how she sparkles
It's the last unicorn
I'm alive... I'm alive.

NATALIE IMBRUGLIA - Torn

“Torn”

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldnt be that man I adored
You dont seem to know, dont seem to care what your heart is for
But I dont know him anymore

Theres nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings fine

Im torn
Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed
lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn

So I guess the fortune tellers right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now

I dont care, I have no luck,
I dont miss it all that much
Theres just so many things that I cant touch,

Im torn
Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed
lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn.
..torn...

Theres nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings right,

Im torn
Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed
lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and Im ashamed
bound and broken on the floor
Youre a little late,
Im already torn

HOOBASTANK - The reason

"The Reason"

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

BILLIE MYERS - Kiss The Rain

“Kiss The Rain”

Hello...
Can you hear me
Am I getting through to you
Hello...
Is it late there
Is there laughter on the line
Are you sure you're there alone
Cuz I'm trying to explain
Something's wrong
You just don't sound the same
Why don't you, Why don't you
Go outside, Go outside

Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever I'm gone too long
If your lips feel lonely and thirsty
Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn
Keep in mind
We're under the same sky
And the night's
As empty for me as for you
If you feel
You can't wait til morning
Kiss the rain...
Kiss the rain...
Kiss the rain...

Hello...
Do you miss me
I hear you say you do
But not the way I'm missing you
What's new
How's the weather
Is it stormy where you are
You sound so close
But it feels like you're so far
Oh would it mean anything
If you knew
What I'm left imagining
In my mind, My mind
Would you go, Would you go

Kiss the rain...
As you fall over me
Think of me
Think of me
Think of me
Only me
Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever I'm gone to long
If your lips feel hungry and tempted
Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn
Keep in mind
We're under the same sky
And the night's
As empty for me as for you
If you feel you can't wait till morning
Kiss the rain...
Kiss the rain...
Kiss the rain...
Kiss The Rain.....
Kiss the rain,
Kiss the rain,
Kiss the rain

Hello...
Can you hear me
Can you hear me
Can you hear me

GOO GOO DOLLS - Iris

“Iris”

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

(break and solo)

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

EVANESCENCE - My Immortal

"My Immortal"

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

[Chorus]

SHERYL CROW - I Shall Believe

"I Shall Believe"
Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright

And I shall believe
I'm broken in two
And I know you're on to me
That I only come home
When I'm so all alone
But I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe

Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it's true
No one heals me like you
And you hold the key

Never again
would I turn away from you
I'm so heavy tonight
But your love is alright
And I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe

DIXIE CHICK - Landslide

Landslide Lyrics – Dixie chick

I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too
Well...

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older, too
Well I'm getting older too

So, take this love and take it down
Year and if you climb a mountain and ya turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well maybe, Well maybe
Well maybe the landslide will bring you down

JON SECADA - "Angel"

"ANGEL "

I, I can't read the future
But I still want to hold you close
Right now, I need that from you
So give me the morning
Sharing another day with you
Is all I want to know

And baby I, I've tried to forget you
But the light of your eyes
Still shines like an angel
A spirit that won't let me go

And I, I didn't want to tell you
Things I didn't wanna know myself
I was afraid to show
But you, you gave me a reason
A reason to face the truth, oh yes you did
To face the truth, face the truth
Face the truth

And baby I, I've tried to forget you
But the light of your eyes
Still shines, shines, shines like an angel
A spirit that won't let me go
Won't let me go, let go of my heart

And baby I, I've tried to forget you
But the light of your eyes
Still shines like an angel
A spirit that won't let me go
Won't let me go, my angel

COLDPLAY - Fix you

"Fix You"

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...
Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from the mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

CLIFF RICHARDS - Ocean Deep

“Ocean Deep”

Love,
Can't you see I'm alone,
Can't you give this fool a chance?
A little love is all I ask,
A little kindness in the night.
Please don't leave me behind,
No, don't tell me love is blind.
A little love is all I ask,
And that is all.
Love,
I've been searching so long,
I've been searching high and low.
A little love is all I ask,
A little sadness when you go.
Maybe you need a friend?
Only please don't let's pretend.
A little love is all I ask,
And that is all.
Ooh, I wanna spread my wings,
But I just can't fly,
As a string of pearls and pretty girls go sailing by.
Ocean Deep,
I'm so afraid to show my feelings,
I have sailed a millions ceilings in my solitary room.
Ocean deep,
Will I ever find a love?
Maybe she has found another,
And as I cry my self to sleep,
I know this love of mine I'll keep
Ocean Ocean Deep,
I'm so lonely,
Ocean Deep,
On my own in my room,
I'm so lonely.
Ocean Deep

BRITNEY SPEARS - "Everytime"

"Everytime"

Notice me
Take my hand
Why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?

Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry

Ohhhh

At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby

JAMES BLUNT - "High" & "You're Beautiful"

"High"

Beautiful dawn -
lights up the shore for me.
There is nothing else in the world,
I'd rather wake up and see (with you).

Beautiful dawn -
I'm just chasing time again.
Thought I would die a lonely man,
in endless night.

But now I'm high;
running wild among all the stars above.
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me.

Beautiful dawn -
melt with the stars again.
Do you remember the day when my journey began?
Will you remember the end (of time)?

Beautiful dawn -
You're just blowing my mind again.
Thought I was born to endless night,
until you shine.

High;
running wild among all the stars above.
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me.

Will you be my shoulder
when I'm grey and older?
Promise me tomorrow starts with you,

Getting high;
running wild among all the stars above.
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me

"You're Beautiful"

My life is brilliant.
My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flying high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

NATASHA BEDDINGFIELD - These Words

"These Words"

These words are my own
Threw some chords together
The combination D-E-F
It's who I am, it's what I do
And I was gonna lay it down for you
Try to focus my attention
But I feel so A-D-D
I need some help, some inspiration
(But it's not coming easily)
Whoah oh!
Trying to find the magic
Trying to write a classic
Don't you know, don't you know, don't you know?
Waste-bin full of paper
Clever rhymes, see you later

These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you...

Read some Byron, Shelly and Keats
Recited it over a Hip-Hop beat
I'm having trouble saying what I mean
With dead poets and drum machines
I know I had some studio time booked
But I couldn't find a killer hook
Now you've gone & raised the bar right up
Nothing I write is ever good enough

These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better sayI love you, I love you!

I'm getting off my stage
The curtains pull away
No hyperbole to hide behind
My naked soul exposes
Whoah.. oh.. oh.. oh..
Whoah.. oh..

Trying to find the magic
Trying to write a classic
Waste-bin full of paper
Clever rhymes, see you later

These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
That's all I got to say,
Can't think of a better way,

And that's all I've got to say,
I love you, is that okay?

NORAH JONES - Come Away With Me

Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song
Come away with me on a bus
Come away with me where they can't tempt us
With their liesI want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows
knee kigh
So won't you try to come
Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountain top
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you
And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me

http://www.norahjones.info/news.php?cod=15

TINA ARENA - Burn

"Burn"

Do you wanna be a poet and write
Do you wanna be an actor up in lights
Do you wanna be a soldier and fight for love
Do you wanna travel the world
Do you wanna be a diver for pearls
Or climb a mountain and touch the clouds above

Be anyone you want to be
Bring to life your fantasies
But I want something in return
I want you to burn, burn for me baby
Like a candle in my night
Oh burn Burn for me
Burn for me

Are you gonna be a gambler and deal
Are you gonna be a doctor and heal
Or go to heaven and touch God's face
Are you gonna be a dreamer who sleeps
Are you gonna be a sinner who weeps
Or an angel
Under grace

Ill lay down on your bed of coals
Offer up my heart and soul
But in returnI want you to burn
Burn for me baby
Like a candle in my night
Oh burn burn for me burn for me
Yeah
OohI want you to burn baby ooh

Laugh for me
Cry for me
Pray for me
Lie for me
Live for me
Die for me

I want you to burn
Burn for me baby
Like a candle in my night
Oh burn burn for me burn for me
Yeah Ah yeah
I want you to burn
I want you to burn for me baby
Ohh yeah

AQUA - Turn Back Time

"Turn Back Time"

Give me time to reason,
give me time to think it through
Passing through the season,
where I cheated you

I will always have a cross to wear,
but the bolt reminds me I was there
So give me strength,
to face this test tonight

If only I could turn back time
If only I had said what I still hide
If only I could turn back time
I would stay for the night.
For the night...

Claim your right to science
Claim your right to see the truth
Though my pangs of conscience,
Will drill a hole in you
I seen it coming like a thief in the night,
I seen it coming from the flash of your light
So give me strength,
to face this test tonight

If only I could turn back time
If only I had said what I still hide
If only I could turn back time..
I would stay for the night

The bolt reminds me I was there
the bolt reminds me I was there

If only I could turn back time
If only I had said what I still hide
If only I could turn back time
I would stay for the night
[repeat chorus until fades out]

ALICIA KEYS - If I Aint Got You

"If I Ain't Got You"

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power, yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
And I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

[Chorus:]
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, Yeah

Some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them
Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share
With no one who truly cares for me
[Chorus:]
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, you, you
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, yeah

[Outro:]If I ain't got you with me baby
So nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby

ALANIS MORISETTE - Uninvited

"Uninvited"

Like anyone would be

I am flattered by your fascination with me

Like any hot-blooded woman

I have simply wanted an object to crave

But you, you're not allowed

You're uninvited

An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting

To watch the stoic squirm

Must be somewhat heartening

To watch shepherd need shepherd

But you you're not allowed

You're uninvited

An unfortunate slight

Like any uncharted territory

I must seem greatly intriguing

You speak of my love like

You have experienced love like mine before

But this is not allowed

You're uninvited

An unfortunate slight

I don't think you unworthy

I need a moment to deliberate

DELTA GOODREM - Born To Try

"Born To Try"

Doing everything that I believe in
Going by the rules that I've been taught
More understanding of what's around me
And protected from the walls of love
All that you see is me
And all I truly believe
That I was born to try
I've learned to love
Be understanding
And believe in life
But you've got to make choices
Be wrong or right
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like
But I was born to try
No point in talking what you should have been
And regretting the things that went on
Life's full of mistakes, destinies and fate
Remove the clouds look at the bigger picture
And all that you see is me
And all I truly believe
That I was born to try
I've learned to love
Be understanding
And believe in life
But you've got to make choices
Be wrong or right
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like
But I was born to try
All that you see is me
All I truly believe
All that you see is me
And all I truly believe
That I was born to try
I've learned to love
Be understanding
And believe in life
But you've got to make choices
Be wrong or right
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like
But I was born to try
But you've got to make choices
Be wrong or right
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like
But I was born to try

DANIEL POWTER - Bad Day

"Bad Day"

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day

DAMIEN RICE - "Canonball" & " Amie"

"Cannonball"

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on
Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little BIT of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer EACH DAY
Still I can't SAY what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer TO ME
So close that I can't see what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't WANNA scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know





"Amie"

Nothing unusual, nothing strange
Close to nothing at all
The same old scenario, the same old rain
And there's no explosions here
Then something unusual, something strange
Comes from nothing at all
I saw a spaceship fly by your window
Did you see it disappear?

Amie.. come sit on my wall
And read me the story of O
And tell it like you still believe
That the end of the century
Brings a change for you and me

Nothing unusual, nothing's changed
Just a little older that's all
You know when you've found it,
There's something I've learned
'Cause you feel it when they take it away
Something unusual, something strange
Comes from nothing at all
But I'm not a miracle
And you're not a saint
Just another soldier
On the road to nowhere
Amie... come sit on my wall
And read me the story of O
And tell it like you still believe
That the end of the century
Brings a change for you and me
And Amie come sit on my wall
And read me the story of O
And tell it like you still believe
That the end of the century
Brings a change for you and me

DAMIEN RICE - Blower's Daughter

"The Blowers Daughter"

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...
my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

KEVIN DEGRAW - I Dont Want To Be

"I Don't Want To Be"

I don't need to be anything other
Than a prison guard's son
I don't need to be anything other
Than a specialist's son
I don't have to be anyone other
Than the birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going,
is knowing where I'm coming from

[Chorus:]
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one who noticed?
I can't be the only one who's learned!

[Chorus]
Can I have everyone's attention please?
If you're not like this and that, you're gonna have to leave
I came from the mountain
The crust of creation
My whole situation-made from clay to stone
And now I'm telling everybody

[Chorus]

I don't want to be [x4]

KEVIN DEGRAW - We Belong Together (Soundtrack of Triston and Isolde)

"We Belong Together"

We belong together
like the open seas and shores
wedded by the planet force
we've all been spoken for

[VERSE 1:]
The hammer may strike,
be dead on the ground.
a net to my hand, a cross on his crown.
we're done if, who we're undone,
finished if who we are incomplete.
as one we are everything,
we are everything we need.



[CHORUS:]
we belong together
like the open seas and shores
wedded by the planet force
we've all been spoken for

[VERSE 2:]
What good is a life, with no one to share,
the light of the moon, the honor of a swear.
we can try to live the way in which you speak,
taste the milk of your mother earth's love,
spread the word of consciencness you see,
we are everything we need

[CHORUS]
We belong together
like the open seas and shores
wedded by the planet force
we've all been spoken for

All this indecision
all this independent strength still
we've got our hearts on safe
we've got our hearts on safe
someday when you're lonley,
sometime after all this bliss,
somewhere lost in emptiness,
I hope you find this gift...
I hope you find this gift..
I hope you find this gift.

DIDO - Life For Rent

"Life For Rent"
I haven't ever really found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize that once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind that your heart ain't exactly breaking

It's just a thought, only a thought
But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

I've always thought that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone and live more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me
It's just a thought, only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive

If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

DIDO - White Flag

"White Flag"

I know you think that
I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it,
well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?
I promise
I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess
and destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

DIDO - Here With Me

"Here With Me"
I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
And I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory
[Chorus:]
Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide
I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me

I don't want to call my friends
They might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that's been
[Chorus]

[ www.azlyrics.com ]

Homecoming.. to this blog at least

yawwwwnnn
am not naturally awake at this moment ...well.. maybe for some canoodling with... ya know.. :D .. anyway.. thts not the point.. installed Limewire yesterday. proven to be a great tool for downloading musics!! its great to listen back to good ol' tunes circa 1995 - 2000 (around the time where my life took its topsy turvy turns *grimace* bad decisions, uncalculated mistakes, ya know.. the whole shit they call life..)
anyway.. been browsing thru AZLYRICS for the songs and i will posted them here.. how about that??! still trying to figure out how to upload pictures here though.. *sigh*

edit:
YAY!!! i did it!! i did it!!! *sniggere.. du'oh* hey dont hate me if i am an internet-dummie :p
managed to upload pics here hehehe oh btw, if any of the pictures belong to you, please do tell me and provide me a link so that others will know, kay? sorry for uploadings those pictures without prior permission *GOMEN-Na-Sai* they're just soooooooo pretty :D

Aloha!